Give a listen to John Mehler – “There Will Come a Time” on YouTube
As I listened to this it took me back to when I was 22, the age my son made it to before his poor mental health claimed his life.
I remember struggling with metal health issues, I still do from time to time.
As believers we know we’ll be better off when we die and sometimes the craziness inside our heads becomes so strong it causes us to do things that we wouldn’t normally do, even attempt suicide.
My son was in great physical health & great spiritual health. He even sent a text two times per day with a Bible verse & a few words on what that verse meant to him. One day those texts stopped coming. Because I (along with over 50 other people) got them so faithfully, when it stopped I took notice and thought something was wrong with my phone or that Alexx (my son) had lost his or just gotten behind, rare and unlikely but it could happen, plus it was the holiday (4th of July) so I didn’t bother him or panic, and gave him space. The last text I got said “Sorry I haven’t been in touch I’ve just been very busy, in a good way.”
Another day passed, life’s craziness went on but after not hearing from him for 2 days I knew I needed to call his work & those who lived near him to check on him…
That is when he was found. My newfew & his grandfather entered his apartment and found him unconscious on his bed. There was a full investigation, notes given to us later and the toxology report showed high levels of his bipolar medication that were so high it was ruled a suicide. The hand written note, in the margin of his bible confirmed it. Alexx wrote, “I’m sorry, I know it was selfish but don’t hate me.”
I am still very sad over his loss. It doesn’t seem real. I keep thinking he is on a trip and will return soon. The fact is, my son is away but he is not coming back, rather I will be going to him.
The loss of a child is very, very difficult. The Bible offers hope & my faith in Christ assures me I’ll be there some day, but while here on earth I see the importance of things I can’t do if I am dead too. More than just what I do I see the deeper purpose of my life, to simply be here for my children, family, friends and the few strangers that cross my path.
King David lost a son. His response was a perfect example of all that I am trying to say here.
…KING DAVID’S SON WAS SICK AND DIED… He reacted mournful when his son was sick, before he died, but after his son died he reacted different. As I mourn my own son’s death I consider this account of King David…
His servants asked him, “What’s going on with you? While the child was alive you fasted and wept and stayed up all night. Now that he’s dead, you get up and eat.”
“While the child was alive,” he said, “I fasted and wept, thinking God might have mercy on me and the child would live. But now that he’s dead, why fast? Can I bring him back now?
I can go to him, but he can’t come to me.”
Hear what David said,
“I can go to him, but he can’t come to me.”
David went and comforted his wife (the mother of their child) Bathsheba. And when he slept with her, they conceived a son. When he was born they named him Solomon…
And so life goes on
(2 Samuel 12:21-25 MSG)
Some day I’ll see my son again. He can’t come to me but I can go to him. By faith I believe we’ll both be with Jesus forever…in saying all that, as I said, I realize the importance of my life while I am here and I’ll do my best to keep my mental health in check so that it doesn’t claim my life.
For another blog post on a similar subject (2 Samuel 12:21-25 & the death of King David’s child) go to: Funeral For A Child
Thanks for reading & letting me share my faith, Beetle